I wish

I wish I could be with you again. I love you more than anything in the whole world. I'll never love a person again like I love you. Come back to me.

Classical

Listening to classical music always puts me in an interesting mood. I'm incredibly pissed off and annoyed but at the same time I'm centered, thinking clearly, and feel like I could conquer any obstacle. I wish I could live the lives of the composers that I study. Shostakovitch and most of the other brilliant minds of those days lived such simple lives. Why must I be forced to work through drama? Why do I need to deal with the unwilling. I'm old enough to know that all I want is to give my heart to someone and just let them have it. Why is it so hard to find someone willing to love, someone willing to sacrifice everything for even just a flicker of a chance at happiness? I used to read that classical works would be influenced by certain poems or people and I would always think "That's incredibly silly, it's just music." but when you've felt the emotions the composers are attempting to show you it becomes truly clear what was going through their minds when they wrote the things they wrote. I'm tired of living with the complexities of this life. Nothing would make me happier than having nothing more than having a wife and kids and my instrument. Life is simple. Nothing can ever show me more joy than that found in music. Too be successful I need to realize where my priorities should be. No more throwing away my life by being lazy or overemotional. Genius isn't something that can be developed but it's something that can be found within myself.

oof

I really feel like a balloon with no air in it right now. I don't know why it hurts so much. I cried so much before but right now I just feel empty. No tears, no emotion, I just feel alone. I don't know why anything happened but it just hurts. I hope these feelings fade with time because she was the first person I've ever loved. I'll never feel anything like that again. I feel so empty. Oof.