Jana

I've been really torn up today. I don't know what to think. All I want is to write pages and pages about how much I love Jana but I know it's not the right thing to do for her right now. I can't wait for the day when she finally comes back to me and realizes how much we mean to each other. I'll never forget how much I love her and cherish her. It was never my intention to forget about what her desires were or to smother her but it's so hard to gauge what's right and what isn't in a long distance relationship. I can't wait until I can hold her in my arms and just tell her how much I care. Jana has my heart, soul, and all I desire is having her back. I won't be happy until we're happy together.

I love you so much baby.

Osho

I've been reading a lot about Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh) lately. He seems like a real incredible dude and I'm really going to try to learn more about his teachings. I'm not a directly religious person and my main stance on life is to be open to everything and just try to find what's right for me. In his later years someone asked him what his 10 commandments would be and he decided to make these up for fun. I really think the way he lived his life is a great way for anyone to live their own. So here are his commandments.

1. Never obey anyone's command unless it is coming from within you also.

2. There is no God other than life itself.

3. Truth is within you, do not search for it elsewhere.

4. Love is prayer.

5. To become a nothingness is the door to truth. Nothingness itself is the means, the goal and attainment.

6. Life is now and here.

7. Live wakefully.

8. Do not swim – float.

9. Die each moment so that you can be new each moment.

10. Do not search. That which is, is. Stop and see.

It's crazy that I've never seen this before. I'm going to try to be more like Osho and embody the principals he lived his life by.

In addition to that, I broke up with Becca. I'm so happy I made the decision to stop being abused and now I'm dating the most wonderful girl in the whole world. Jana M. Verdes. She's so beautiful and wonderful and without her I don't know where I would be right now. She's so wonderful and I can't wait to spend the next four years of my life with her. When you move into a healthy relationship where you really care about the other person you can really see how bad it was before. I thought I was happy but I was never happy until I met Jana.